Now I Remember

Now I Remember

For me there was never any desire to marry or start a family. Being the oldest of four children of a divorced mother, I was always looked upon to excel in school, be the role model and set a path for my siblings. As anyone with an older brother can attest, I was always going to be the one they looked up too and wanted to be like. Maybe I was more mature for my age, but I never begrudged the lack of carefree time my friends seemed to have, as being there for my family was my only goal in life. Whether it be helping around the house, tutoring my sisters with homework or just being there when my baby brother wanted to hang out with the big kids, I was elated at the opportunity. I saw it as my god given duty to fill the void in their lives of being the male figure they needed while growing up.

While I was fortunate enough to grow up with both my mom and dad until I was about nine years old, I realized that by my siblings, especially my little brother just could not talk to mom about everything. For my sisters I was the older brother they could come to when they flattened a tire on their bike or needed someone big and strong to protect them from the mean boys and all of life's real or imagined "scaries" as they called them. To my little brother I was there to work on bikes together and teach him how to be respectful of the women in his life. I knew how hard our mom worked and how much she sacrificed to provide for us, so when the time came that she needed my help there was not one moment of hesitation on my part. I was more than happy to be there for her as she always had been for me.

Yeah I finally made it to high school graduation and was ready to face the world as an adult. After months of consideration I decided to join the Air Force and train to be an electronic technician working on these new fangled computers. As my brothers and sisters were now teenagers themselves, I looked at this my opportunity to enjoy life for myself, learn a good career all while serving my country. This decision worked wonders for me as I excelled in my Air Force career, passing classes with honors due to the maturity my mother had instilled in me. I was able to come and go pretty much as I pleased on my off time and be there to serve my country while on duty. Do you seem to be(Do you see or Does there seem to be) a theme of service developing here? I was able to get my own house furnished the way I wanted it and not child proof. I could leave the seat up and not get fussed at by three different women, and I was able to come and go as I pleased. Ah, life is good when your nineteen and have no responsibilities other than to yourself.

The Air Force was a good life for a young man to spread his wings and explore the world, well in my case only Riverside, Turkey and New Mexico. But finally it came to the end of my six year enlistment and I found myself at a crossroads. Spend the next six years out in the sticks of New Mexico or move on to another chapter in my life. Yes that elusive freedom, again giving me the opportunity to do what I want and go where the wind blows me.

I give you one guess as to what choice I made. Yes that's right I left the service and returned home. The one place I looked so forward to leaving as a boy, I looked so forward to returning too as a man. There truly is no place like home. Returning home this time was a much easier task for me. My siblings were grown and my mom was married to a man that I would in time come to consider my dad. Life was good indeed as I began my career with IBM and enjoyed the freedom that being in the military most certainly cannot by nature afford someone. I rented a house and was enjoying the life of a bachelor with no responsibilities or worries in the world. I was enjoying my new career, loving my freedom to travel and meet new people. Little did I know this whole carefree life was about to change.

It was the hot muggy summer of 1980 when my life changed in ways I could not have even imagined ( I think- I could have never imagined- sounds a little better and less wordy.). I was