Skill with People

Les Giblin in the book Skill With People explores many personal skills that are useful in effective communication with people. The information contained in the book is useful in family, business, and social settings. Topics in Skill With People include: Understanding, talking, agreeing, listening, influencing, convincing, praising, critiquing, thanking, making an impression, setting moods, and making people feel important. First we will look at understanding people and human nature.

Realizing that people are only interested in themselves is a huge barrier to over come in any environment. Recognizing that people are egotistical and selfish will assist me with thinking creatively to encode my message to the recipient in a manner that will invoke interest. As people evaluate situations looking for how they will reap benefits, I have to present them with a solution to a problem so they are able to realize a benefit. It is important to be able to get along with other people if you want to complete a task. This means I need to feed the egos of the people I am in contact with to evoke harmony and prevent discord to accomplish my objectives. (Giblin, 1985)

When talking to people I need to find a subject that is important to them. As the other person is comfortable with the subject matter it enables me to learn more about this person. The most enlightening factor for me was removing I, me, my, and mine from my vocabulary. I have always presented thoughts with these four key words. Being ill-prepared I now understand why I have encountered so many communication problems during the course of my life. While substituting you in the place of these four words I have found that people are more open to two-way communication. People often appreciate talking with people who are not driven to dominate a conversation about their own personal interests. If I am talking to a person about something that does not interest them, they probably will not listen nor will we have two-way communication. A desire for another person's interest is a key to making people feel important. (Giblin, 1985)

As I let people know they are important to me, they feel valuable and will respond accordingly. The key to making people feel valuable is to listen intently to the message that is being conveyed. While listening and actively processing their message they begin to feel that I care about their message and by pausing before responding the message is worthy of consideration. I have enjoyed being a voyeur, not actively participating, but merely watching events unfold in all situations throughout my life. This book has enlightened me that I must participate and acknowledge people I do not know, to get to know them, and create win-win situations. My past feelings on talking to people that I don't know or care to know are seen as using people. Nor did I feel any need or desire to know people outside my circle of friends / colleagues. Yet this book has shown me that I can't make others feel important if I don't give them an opportunity to show that they are somebody. Furthermore, we need others more than we think and are willing to acknowledge. If we do not give others a chance, then we may never know how they can assist us. I must be willing to lift people up to a higher level to enable everyone to benefit. (Giblin, 1985)

Skillfully agreeing with people is one of my favorite parts of the book. This section taught me that when I know people are wrong, it is not important to always point it out to them. While a fault of mine in the past, I am learning greater self-control that is creating a mindset of agreeableness. When someone is naturally agreeable people will feel more willing to accept them since they are comfortable and do not have to fear being judged for their actions or statements. In all situations this is crucial to team cohesiveness and personal situations. People can not work together if they are not comfortable and trusting of those who surround them. I learned that I should not disagree with someone unless it is absolutely necessary and could have severe negative ramifications for those involved. Learning this concept has reduced the stressful need to always nit pick and correct others. This key step is pivotal to preventing arguments. If a disagreement occurs I should obtain their thoughts and feelings in writing about the problem and work towards an amicable solution. Writing will provide a channel for the anger to pass through instead of being directed at me. (Giblin, 1985)

Skillfully listening to people provided insight to show others I am interested in what they have to say. Les advises that we should look at the person who is talking. I have always focused on multi-tasking and did not see this as disrespect and disinterest. Trying to get tasks completed while talking was something I felt compelled to do in the interest of time. This section has taught me that to let the communicator know their message to me is important, I need to stop anything I may be doing and look at them while they are talking. I also learned that I should not interrupt or ask for more information than the speaker is willing to elaborate. My thoughts in the past is that by asking questions it shows interest, but this shows nosiness and by stepping over the boundaries, the speaker is less inclined to share information with me later. (Giblin, 1985)

To skillfully influence people I must find out what they are seeking and like. Successfully completing this is achieved through asking, watching, and listening to them. The ability to influence others is only achieved with adequate information. After I have received the information then I can analyze the information to enable me to skillfully convince people. Once the speaker has shared their information I can elaborate on the solutions to assist them with solving their problem. I do not need to focus on winning completely, but only need to provide the information. This can be achieved by speaking through third parties and allowing others to save face. Our society is constantly shown it is all about winning. Les invariably conveys it is not always about winning or being right. (Giblin, 1985)

Influencing and convincing are part of helping people to make decisions. Sharing the positive reasons for a person to say yes to me and asking questions that invoke a response of yes helps them to see the solution that I can provide. The book focuses on giving people a choice between two yes's. While focusing on the positives it allows them to discern that no is not a viable answer when potential solutions for them are presented. Our society is negatively driven and this concept is useful for me in my life applications. In business relationships this will help me to show customers that a relationship with my company can provide a win-win solution. Personally,