Relationship Advice Letter

As you are preparing to become husband and wife I am thrilled that you asked me for some advice in regards to effectively communicating with one another. Because you asked for my advice it is obvious that you realize how important effective communication is to your marriage. Learning and applying interpersonal communications skills to your marriage will help you throughout the years of your marriage. There are many interpersonal communication skills that will help couples to communicate effectively. (Sole, 2011) I will focus on five of the interpersonal skills that will help you be able to communicate better with one another. Effective communication skills enable a couple to express their thoughts and feelings, they are able to effectively listen to their spouse, as well as knowing that that they are being heard and understood. I am going to share with you these five communication skills, emotional intelligence and its role in effective interpersonal relationships, self disclosure, principles and misconceptions in communication, how our words can affect communication, and the barriers to effective interpersonal interactions, as you will learn a huge amount of trust is built in a relationship that has its foundation built on not only love, but also one that incorporates effective communication skills into the relationship.

There is so much more to a happy and healthy marriage than just being in love. A couple who effectively uses interpersonal communication skills in their relationship will find that they have a happier, and longer lasting marriage, as opposed to those who do not use effective communication skills. The text from the class I am in states that "Communication is not simply the exchange of words and information; it is the means through which we share knowledge, thoughts, ideas, and feelings with other people" (Sole, 2011). It is important to effectively communicate with everyone we communicate with, however it is even more important in a marriage as we are spending the rest of our life with someone, and not being able to communicate properly with each other cause's misunderstandings, and can eventually lead to problems that could result in the end of a marriage. Learning and applying communication skills to your marriage will create a happy marriage where you can share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions with each.

Define emotional intelligence and its role in effective interpersonal relationships.

First let's discuss emotional intelligence and the role it plays in our interpersonal relationships. The text book "Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication" defines emotional intelligence has "having the capacity to communicate, understand, and manage your emotions and feelings, while also being able to understand and respond to the feelings of others" (Sole, 2011). It is very important that you are able to control your emotions and understand and respect the feelings of your spouse, in order to have a fulfilling and long lasting marriage.

"Emotional intelligence involves making good judgments about when to deal with emotions and when to put them on hold." (Sole, 2011)

"Learning how to manage emotions and regulate your feelings may help you lead a happier life." (Sole, 2011) Our emotions can get away from us and cause a situation to escalate. If we learn to control our emotions we will be able to communicate better. Getting angry, or crying excessively when communicating with one another can not only stress you out, but it also stresses out the person that you are communicating with. There are times when you will be upset with each other, but you must learn how to keep a check on your emotions.

"Controlling emotions, understanding and respecting the feelings of family members are important factors influencing the marital relationship also influenced by factors like trustworthiness, perceiving emotions, managing emotions, showing empathy and much more" (Lavalekar, 2010, p.8, para.2). In other words for a successful and lasting marriage it is important that we control our emotions as much as possible. It is easy to get mad quickly at something that is said. Many times an argument starts from a simple misunderstanding. If we had controlled our emotions we could have avoided an argument.

Being cautious of the feelings of our spouse is also very important. Sometimes things we say in the heat of the moment can scar deeply. We must control our emotions and take into account the feelings of our spouse before we speak or act on something. You might think, so what, I said something I did not mean, I can just apologize and say what I meant to say. It is much easier to simply keep a check on our emotions before hand, or consider our partners feelings, than it is to try and go back and retract something we said later.

Evaluate appropriate levels of self-disclosure in relationships.

In relationships it is important that we evaluate the appropriate level of self-disclosure we share. (Sole, 2011) Which means how much information, and what information we share about ourselves with others. However, for people planning to make a life together as you Ashley and Cody are getting ready to do, it is very important for you to share full self-disclosure. When planning on spending the rest of your life with someone it is very important that you both feel comfortable enough in your relationship to share everything about yourself with each other. Sometimes we do this non-verbally by the way we react, such as our facial expressions and emotions, when we are sharing things with another person. When someone tells you something and tears begin to well up in your eyes as you listen, you are sharing information about your feelings non-verbally (Sole, 2011).

Sharing with each other verbally and non-verbally is a very important aspect to ensuring a happy, healthy and lasting marriage. "Research consistently has shown a link between happy marriages and "self-disclosure," or sharing your private feelings, fears, doubts and perceptions with your partner" (Schoenberg, 2011, p.7). When we know that we are trusted enough that we can share our feelings, and thoughts and not be judged, and that the other person trusts us enough to do the same we feel like we are indeed in relationship that is built on love, respect, and trust.

Explain the principles and misconceptions in effective interpersonal communications.

There are seven principles that the two of you should make every effort to express in all your communications with each other.

1) Be clear, truthful, and accurate with your communication with each other. Be sure