Owning Your Own Destiny Is Staggering

The power that is felt from owning your own destiny is staggering. Likewise, the impotency experienced when someone else holds all the cards is shattering.

I know this because I now stand at the door of my own future. I see a path stretching before me, with every opportunity beckoning. I feel the security of holding destiny in my own hands, and I am all the more empowered by the knowledge of what it is like to have that taken away.

Sixteen years ago, I knew it all. I had life figured out, knew where I wanted to go and how I wanted to direct my life. Enter stage one, a boy. Stage door two, a baby. Without a second thought I cheerfully waved goodbye to all previous expectations, held my head high and stiffened my spine against the onslaught of changes, none of which came near to preparing me for what lay ahead.

Fastforward nine years. Three amazing children around whom my entire world gravitated. Hockey practice, gymnastics meets, piano lessons. Camping, hiking, fishing, swimming. We did it all. No matter what other thoughts crept into my mind in regards to my relationship, my kids made me unbelievably happy.

Time continues to crawl forward. Kids enter school. I take some personal growth type courses. Become a yoga instructor, personal trainer, group fitness instructor. Trying to fill a void, but unknowing as to what that void truly was. The extra hours away from the busyness of having young kids at home begins to allow time for deeper thoughts, terrifying revelations, and solemn decisions.

Two years of sitting with the void, the cover has been removed, and only blackness remains. The clock ticks up to my 28th birthday. I can't do it anymore. It's time to begin embracing life. To stop waiting for the perfect time to start. I make my choice. Execution begins, and for the first year everything goes relatively smooth. The kids are shared. Their needs come first, no matter what other emotions and smuggles arise they are content, comfortable in their understanding, and cocooned in the safety of parental love.

Emotions change. As if overnight I went from living comfortably to having my vehicle repossessed. My bank account read zero. My fridge and pantry held less than nothing. My blind faith and trust that agreements would be upheld had led me down a path of fantasy. With the blindfold harshly removed, I awoke daily to a harsh reminder of what it is like to have someone else holding all of the cards, and to be completely at their mercy.

The power that is felt from owning your own destiny is staggering. Likewise, the impotency experienced when someone else holds all the cards is shattering. I can say this, as I have travelled