Life Case

I agree with what Marite wrote and had the same impression when I read the essay. The topic is fine but you wrote it in such generalities. Needs more specifics and examples. My daughter did that Princeton essay last year and wrote about her grandfather. It happened that he had just died a couple weeks earlier but her essay was not a "death" essay and in fact, it was not even obvious he had died but it came up in one of the last lines when one example she brought up of her "theme" involved something he said to her right before dying, but again it was not a death essay but the influence of him on her life and sort of "messages" she learned from him. There were very specific examples. Try that. And you do not need to turn it into a death essay but in some passing moment, you could let on that your dad is no longer living where that fits. For a job application, often people write, "I am hard-working, dedicated, and intelligent....." but it doesn't prove a thing and says absolutely nothing. I can tell you that I'm Queen Elizabeth, but it doesn't make it a fact. In your essay, you say that you admire your dad. Why? Did he give up a huge raise and job promotion so that he could spend more time with you (for example)? Give your essay an edge that has your "name" on it, with personal examples. You