Farewell 2010

FAREWELL 2010

Days had pass very quick. I could not imagine how many instances already I miss the stuff of having back to myself. It's been awhile that I end up my volunteer term with Year of Service (YOS) last April. Spent summer for days with my high school friends, and end up staying for long in the house. And I guess, it's been part of my journey. The next half of the year 2010 became a great challenge for me. It was a tough decision to make. Getting back to a scenario where I have been used to stay, do things I have done already for the second time around, bring back to old memories, and live with a boring life once more. But these vintage expectations vanished, as I come up with a crucial yet very challenging situation, to be back in the community with my younger cousin. That was a great role for me, to be his older brother for once, where in fact I never use to before nor shall I say, I had no chance at all.

Start of the school year makes my heart beats as fast as I wonder what at stake waits me in the next days. Yes I got some of the positions in school that I long before. Be the class adviser of a section where are very active and competitive, be the school librarian, and holds subjects more than what is required in the school. But it seems there is something lacking, and I can't figured it out that time. Yes I got something what I want, buy things that are sometimes unnecessary, and spent money not quite wise, but it doesn't makes me happy at all. I thought this was the life I've been dreaming of, but as time passes by, it was a great barrier reef that blocks things that I want to do. The things that I was thought could brought me to a "hassle free" or stress free life, were the things I end up puzzled and remained untied.

School problems were actually not problems at all. In my one year of experience as a volunteer teacher in Saint Isidore High School, I already encountered and in fact surpassed some but not all ups and downs that most of the colleagues' quitted. But I think nothing comes worse with what I had this year. I end up with a difficulty with myself. A dilemma that turns to a circumstances that a lot of people were affected and hurt by my misbehaviors. Crisis that I was thought I can manage and put in a proper situations. But I failed. I was unsuccessful of taking good care of my self-acclaim little brother. I commit mistakes that severely affected him, I end up wrong decisions that turned miserable consequences, and I fooled even myself.

Sometimes I asked myself, why it happens. Was my intention to bring him to the area a mistake? Or it was me unintentionally commits the mistake? I was upset by those times. I'm a kind of person who thinks thrice before doing things around me, and even if it's a slip-up, I eagerly solve it and done. But this time, I really don't know