Existence of God

I do not know if I am a believer, but I know I am not an atheist; I stand an agnostic, unconvinced. Although, it is with my lack of certainty, that I feel capable of deliberation. I may not know where my faith lies, but I am confident I can see the strength in both convictions.

Old enough to be my aunt, I always considered my cousin's words to be wisdom. As she grew older she came to be much more religious, and as I grew older I began to question her wisdom. One night we discussed her ailing family, troubled by her fathers' affairs and deceit. She told me that her worries were resolved, as she now believed in God. She said that she could continue her life, at peace, because she was able to pass on her unanswered questions to Him. She said that God has a plan for us all, and if we stop dwelling on the bad we will see his intentions for what they are, good. I was touched by her words, happy for my dear cousin to be able to move past her fraud of a father. But still I argued, how could you believe that God has a plan for us all? How can He stand as the portrait of perfection and benevolence if this does not hold true? This is the strongest reason for my disbelief in God. It seems to me that it is too often that injustice strikes our world, as there is inequity even for those who have the best in their heart. I do not believe there is something to be learned from every life experience, contrary to what most critics would say of life's unfairness. I always use the same story to illustrate my point. I had a friend; he and his family were the nicest people I ever knew. Years after I had switched school districts, I found out that his sister was raped and murdered at the age of 8. Now is it just me being cynical when I say there is a good chance God doesn't exist, or is this skepticism a reality?

While I remained unconvinced by my cousin's argument, I stopped disputing the matter when I came to a realization; she needed to believe. This is the strongest reason I see for believing in God. I saw that while my cousins' conclusions were not based upon strong logic, her faith proved to be out of necessity. She was never going to be able to be close to a man again, with her father having shattered her trust. My cousin had to surrender her distress to a higher power, or otherwise face the harsh reality of the truth over and over again. We must keep in mind that this idea does not disprove God's existence, but in my mind it clarifies the question of why so many do believe.

I think that this notion can be strengthened with a look at the progression of religion's role in society. In earlier civilizations, such as that of the Greeks, religious decree was synonymous with the laws of the city. Roman emperors themselves, were considered deities. Today, there exists a separation of church and state in nations such as the United States. People now recognize that religion is not always based on reason and