Tim and Kim Engagement

Dear Tim and Kim,

First I want to say congratulations, on your engagement and I was surprised that you chose me as your confidant and friend. I was ecstatic and honored about the letter of advice to the both of you. In the past couple of weeks I have engaged in and interpersonal communication class which has taught me a lot about communication in both my interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships. Before we were born our parents communicated to us through words, readings, and the food we ate. When we were born we communicated through cries and sigh as we grew older we and started to learn that the only way we could get something was to communicate. Our thoughts, desires, and feelings are expressed when we communicate. Communication is a natural process where our cognitive abilities come to life through our grammar and syntax in which we can express our feelings through words, facial, expressions, and gestures. We can communicate as social beings verbally and non-verbally simultaneously, consciously, and unconsciously. As human beings communication also involves others not just ourselves we call this interpersonal communication and dyadic, which makes us interdependent, and interconnected with each other. Communication is on- going, ever-changing, a lifelong process in which we build and maintain intrapersonal relationships with ourselves and interpersonal relationships with others.

Tim and Kim here is my advice to for a successful life-long relationship. In Interpersonal relationships communication, forgiving, and understanding is the key element to continuity. Apologies and expressions of remorse are potent factors under the offender's control for influencing the likelihood of forgiveness (Merolla,& Shuang, 2011). In interpersonal relationships communication allows us to recognize words and their power, understand principles and misconceptions, identify barriers, integrate self- concept, emotional intelligence, and strategize for managing conflicts.

Accordingly, when we communicate we recognize how words have the power to affect our perceptions, attitudes, and behavior. Sole (2011) states, "Words are powerful tools they can comfort you, excite you, and inspire you, but they can also cause pain and irreparably damage your relationships with other people" (p. 4.1). Tim and Kim words mean nothing people put the meaning and power behind words. We must be responsible for sending and receiving message clearly and concisely. As Twentieth-century philosopher Alfred Korzybski states we must expect to misunderstand and to be misunderstood (as cited in Sole, 2011). Misunderstanding may affect our attitude because of certain stimuli we attend to through perception and personal relevance. After we perceive we then interpret the meaning through memory, expectations, and experience. This interpretation if negative will affect our attitudes negatively and if positive will affect our attitudes positively. This interpretation also depends on the contextual state the message was sent across. The nature and the nonverbal cues of the text sent across in our own thoughts.

Our predisposition and habits also affect the way we communicate in our interpersonal relationships. The certain ways we think, how much we allow through our perceptual filters, and the fact if we are extraverted or introverted. This combined with thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition affects our behavior (Sole. 2011). The type of person we are and how words such as denotations (words from the dictionary) come across our perceptual filters. Each party in and interpersonal relationship should be able to comprehend. Some of the traits we display are from our genes or hereditary which can be accepted or rejected. Words also have connotative meanings in which we have emotional feelings and association affiliated with them. How we chose to perceive and interpret the words is our choice we can either perceive it in a positive or negative way. This perception affects our attitude and the way we respond to the situation, word, or implications. These words or implication arouses our stimuli or emotional association either positively or negatively. These words or implications are called trigger words which create immediate emotional action. "Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will never hurt us." How we interpret the words and our feelings revolve around words. In turn this perception affects our attitudes, and our attitudes affect our behavior. In communicating dyadic ally in a marriage we must be aware of ourselves, attitudes and behaviors in order to effectively send and receive a message. Messages also have messages beyond the word which are called metamessages (Sole, 2011). Metamessages are words, non-verbal cues, or opposite of what the words mean, or implied, we must interpret the meaning through our symbolic interaction with the other person.

Furthermore, verbal and non-verbal communication affects our perceptions attitudes, and behaviors. If we constantly nag our spouse or significant other in a relationship this may lead to ignorance or withdrawal. Verbal abuse included such behaviors as yelling, calling names, and swearing. Withdrawal included such behaviors as withholding affection, silent treatment, and sulking (Leeper, 2009). This leads to perceiving the other person as negative and aggression arises from our feelings and emotions. Our attitudes become negative towards the other person and violent behavior may erupt. The pitch of our voice the intensity, and also communication style people use reflects our perception, attitudes, and behavior. This type of communication leads to damage if not resolved in an interpersonal relationship. The body language displayed also sends off cues that are ambiguous and may be misunderstood. These messages are sometimes more powerful than verbally speaking. Non-verbal communications reinforces compliments, substitutes, distracts, and contradict/conflict a verbal message (Sole, 2011). Our eye behavior, gestures, and facial expressions sometimes speak louder than words.

Communication allows us to obtain and understand the principles and misconceptions in effective interpersonal communications. One of the main principles of communication is the fact that is inevitable. No matter how we approach the situation we have to communicate with others. Unless we live our lives as introverts in seclusion from human society and interaction we communicate with others. Even if we are silent our non-verbal cues sends a message of communication our voice, gestures, facial expressions, and body language. Communication is sent and received through the same channels. When we sleep we communicate through our dreams from our memories, experiences, and thoughts unconsciously. People cannot read minds, therefore people judge you by your behavior not what you intended to say or