The Shadow

The Shadow

Reflecting back at the photos of my childhood appeared so happy and innocent, yet we all have shadows that mask the pain and reality that no one wants to face. The shadow took away my innocence. No one realized what a detrimental role that shadow played in my life nor did they know the scope of the consequences I would deal with as I grew up. Every parent wants their child to have the best childhood, one they can cherish for a lifetime; sadly some don’t turn out the way people anticipate. I was three years old when he darkened my day. I was enjoying an afternoon lunch with my peers and caretakers. A sandwich and milk was my favorite combo. Little did I know the milk was poisoned with years of tormenting memories and everlasting nightmares. After lunch I felt tired and weak, so I told them I wanted to take a nap while the other kids went out and played with the other caretaker. The shadow stayed with me and brought me to my conscience slumber. He lived in a dark, little shack to where he brought me and took advantage of me. Being conscience I knew when he undressed me, it wasn’t right. He told me that I would never be able to see him again if I told someone. The shadow told me we loved each other and forced me to tell him what he wanted to hear. Yet he punished me when I did something wrong. I was terrified of the shadow, but my recollection of him was faint. As the events continued my memories built up but at the time were hidden deep within my conscience. I had grown so accustom to him taking advantage of me that I came to consider it the norm. I was so scared to make him mad in fear of being punished. He had drugged me so frequently that my reality and imagination were tainted. My emotions shifted subconsciously, but the trauma didn’t affect me until seriously I was 15. It was my first kiss. I wasn’t completely there. Physically I was in the moment, but emotionally I felt distant, as if I wasn’t kissing whom I was kissing. I never really thought anything about it. But then one day my Mom sat me down and asked me if the shadow had ever touched me. Given the excessive drugs, my memory was foggy. The next time I kissed a boy, the flashbacks started. I lived that way for three years. My Mom questioned my relationships and I because they were so brief and fleeting, so I finally told her of my memories and what had happened. The shadow not only broke me, but my whole family as well. I have lived in his shadow for the past 15 years, but with the help of counselors I have finally been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and begin to find happiness again. My days have become brighter as I’ve matured and grown up. It’s something I want to overcome but not forget because it has shaped me to who I am today. The shadow not only inflicted his darkness on me, but on countless other children as well. I was sexually molested as a child. Dark shadows have affected more children and adults throughout our world but it is those who that have been touched that have to step forward to make the change for the better. He was a snake who slithered into my family while working under my father. This may have affected my family in a negative way but we have come out stronger than ever before.