The Effects of Parenting Styles and Childhood Attachment and Intimate Relationships

"The Effects of Parenting Styles and Childhood Attachment and Intimate Relationships"

In rearing my own children I have come to know through personal experiences that the style in which you raise a child, treat a child and discipline a child will have a profound effect upon the child's ability to function in society, establish healthy, loving, trusting relationships and whether a child will become independent or stay in a status of attachment. I myself being raised in a Christian home and then going into the military was raised in an authoritative home, in turn I raised my children in an identical environment. I was very involved with my children's upbringing I was very hands on and was immersed in their lives, from soccer, to school, I was there. I believed in correcting behaviors and punishing when necessary, but I did a lot of instructing and guiding. I tried hard to provide balance and structure, but showed them, love and care. Although, this was method of parenting my ex-husband did not share the same philosophy. He was cruel and abusive. He was not nurturing and often excessively critical and degrading. There were even encounters of physical abuse when the children were left in His care while I was at College at night.

As I read through the reading in our textbook "Development Across the Life Span," by Robert S. Feldman, many things made sense. One of the distinguishing factors that was prevalent in children with authoritarian parents, is that, "children of authoritarian parents tend to be withdrawn, showing relatively little sociability," (2011, pp.251). My son who bore the brunt of the abuse and harsh treatment is just that, withdrawn and he is uneasy around people even at twenty-one. My daughter on the other hand exhibits the traits that Feldman spoke of when he identified, "Children of authoritative parents fare best. They generally are independent, friendly, self-assertive and cooperative," (2011, pp.251). Oddly enough both of my children grew up in the same situation, but are about two and half year apart, my son being the oldest, his awareness to the parental interaction was vaster than my daughters and it affected him in a more negative manner.

In the article "The Effects of Parenting Styles and Childhood Attachment Patterns on Intimate Relationships," by Jennifer Neal and Donna Frick-Horbury, states, "The type of attachment that a child forms has long-term repercussions into many aspects of the child's development and adult life (Bowlby, 1969). Some of these aspects include peer relationships and the ability to maintain long-term intimate relationships," (2001, para 3). This is true as I stated my son is very introverted and my daughter is more social, but does watch people closely. As a result both of my children are close to me and have a very strained relationship with their step