The Best Days

Growing up, my older brother has always been my best friend. Two years older, he has experience to hand down to me, yet we are close enough to relate to each other well. He is everything I want to be when I am older; a good student, friend, and sibling. Even when my parents didn't seem to understand what I was upset about, Will always did.

During my sophomore of high school, I learned that he had considered committing suicide. Nobody bothered to formally tell me this; I found out on my own, by accidentally reading an email that I thought was for me, but turned out to be from our family doctor. It stated that Will was very depressed and didn't feel as if he had much to live for these days. I couldn't believe it to be true. The one person I had always counted on to be steady and understanding for me was going off the deep end. And what made this whole situation harder for me was that he was the one person I wanted to talk about this with. I wanted him to make me feel better about the fact that he was thinking about ending his own life.

I couldn't help but feel guilty, like this was my fault. Throughout the years, he was always there to pick me up and tell me how awesome I was, but had I done that for him? I began to reflect on how much I had really returned the favor of sharing how much I really believe in him. I wasn't the sister I wanted to be for him.

At this time, the only people who knew how Will was truly feeling, so I refrained from saying anything to him, or anyone. However I really took the information to heart. Will was depressed, and I couldn't change much of that, but if I could make it at all easier then I would do that for him. It was my turn to be the support and I wanted more than anything to show him how much he means to me.

Today, my brother is happy and healthy, and I still have not told him that I know how he was feeling that year. Although it was a very horrifying thing for me to learn, I look back on it as a blessing now. I no longer take him for granted and do my best to be the sister he needs. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful that he decided to fight through his sadness. I have learned that sometimes the people who are always there for others, sometimes need someone there for them, and I strive to be that person every day.