Smarthinking's E-Structor Response Form

Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form

(Your marked-up essay is below this form.)

HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking's OWL; best wishes with revising your paper!

*Strengths of the essay:

Hello, Tien. It's good to have you here in Smarthinking. I'm Jean V., your tutor for this session. You have a good start in your current draft. I especially like how you support your point with evidence as in this portion of your draft: "Chemical engineers enjoy one of the best starting salaries. This career generally make between $70,350 and $108,470. Exceptional performers can earn in excess of $132,980." Giving specific numbers will help your readers see that, indeed, the starting salaries of chemical engineers are one of the best. Well done!  Your paper, however, can still be improved, so if you're ready, let's start our tutorial.

Main Idea/Thesis:

Tien, are you supposed to write a paragraph or an essay? Please verify that with your professor, so you can make sure that your paper meets your assignment requirements. Now, it looks like you wrote a paragraph, but it looks like you have lots of ideas to share, so I will have to advise you to present your answers in essay-form (composed of at least three paragraphs: introduction, body, and conclusion). Now, let's start our discussion on how you can develop your essay by talking about your thesis.

Tien, please create a thesis statement to give your readers a clear idea on what your paper is all about. A thesis statement is a sentence that is usually found at the end of the introduction. It states the paper's topic, main idea, and discussion points. It looks like you talk about a career in chemical engineering. What is the most important thing that you want to say about this career? For example, is this the perfect career for you? Or is this a good career to be in? After identifying your main idea, supply your discussion points. How are you going to support your main idea? For instance, what are the reasons why being a chemical engineer is the perfect career for you? Or why is this a good career to be in?

Tien, please create a sentence that states your topic, main idea, and discussion points, and place this in your introduction, ideally at the end. To have a guide, consider this example:

Although being an accountant [topic] requires extensive training and long hours [discussion points], it is a good career to be in [main idea] because the pay is high, the job is stable, and the opportunities for growth are endless [discussion points].

Can you see how this sentence contains all the elements of a thesis statement? This will give my readers a clear idea on what to expect from my paper. Now, how can you create a similar sentence?

Organization:

Next, Tien, let's work on your organization. As discussed earlier, you wrote your ideas in just one paragraph. Your draft is composed of 21 sentences, but a paragraph is ideally five to ten sentences long, for too much information in one paragraph might overwhelm readers. So unless otherwise advised by your professor, please present your answers in essay-from. To have a guide in developing and organizing your essay, I advise that you create an outline of your essay based on your thesis statement. The thesis statement is a map of your discussion, so the content of your essay should reflect this map. To show you how the outline of your essay can look like, let me give an example based on the sample I placed in the Main Idea/Thesis section:

I. Introduction (background information + thesis statement)

II. Although being an accountant requires extensive training, it is a good career to be in.

III. Although being an accountant requires long hours, it is a good career to be in.

IV. Being an accountant is a good career to be in because the pay is high.

V. Being an accountant is a good career to be in because the job is stable.

VI. Being an accountant is a good career to be in because the opportunities for growth are endless.

VII. Conclusion (summary)

In this outline, each entry represents a paragraph in the essay. There are five discussion points, so a paragraph will be dedicated for each of them. These points will also be discussed in the order they appeared in the thesis statement. Following an outline can help you come up with an organized essay that your readers can easily digest and follow, Tien. As such, how can you create an outline of your essay? How can you develop and organize your essay based on this outline?

*Tien 4285356 has requested that you respond to the Grammar & Mechanics:

Please proofread your work to make sure that you are able to capitalize letters whenever necessary. Let's review the instances when a letter needs to be capitalized, so you can have a guide while proofreading:

1. Proper nouns (words that name a specific person, group of people, place, thing, animal, religion, or event): Tracie, The Beatles, Hogwarts University, Honda Civic, Snoopy, Christianity, Christmas, etc.

2. First letter of the first word in the sentence: The school has strict standards.

Now, let's look at this sentence from your essay:

Drexel university is a best school in engineering in Pennsylvania, so I will transfer to Drexel university when I finish Associate of Science in Delaware county community college.

Check the word "university." Is this a part of the name of a specific school? If so, what is the proper way of writing this