Relapse and Recovery

My ex-boyfriend suffers from a co- occurring disorder of alcoholism and PTSD. After struggling with these problems he suddenly announced that he had decided to abstain from drinking. When abstinence was accomplished he did not seem to get any better, only his symptoms had changed. He began to accuse people of stealing his things, even though the people he accused had not been present when the items went missing. Later he found them were he had put them. I believe now this was the first stage of (PAW).

On one occasion I overheard a phone conversation with his daughter concerning her cell phone bill. When he hung up he began to cry and said his daughter was better off not having him for a father and was glad she had a step father who could be father to her. He went on to say, through anger and tears that he was worthless and incapable of being a good father. Then threw his phone against the wall shattering it.

One day as we were sitting outside on the porch I made a remark about plans we had made with friends to go camping. I was surprised at his inability to remember details of the plans and in some cases insert details we had not discussed as though we had. When I attempted to bring the errors he had made to his attention, he over reacted and became angry, storming into the house.

That night as we lay in bed he was unable to fall to sleep. After tossing and turning and continuing to fluff his pillow he finally got up and left the room only to return shortly and repeat the same action. When we were finally able to fall asleep I was awaken shortly by his screams. I tried to discuss the matter with him but he angrily told me it was nothing and rolled over. At this point I got up out of bed and retreated to the guest room.

He had a hot rod in the garage that he and his friend worked on whenever they got the chance. On several occasions after he stopped drinking, when feeling irritable or frustrated for no apparent reason, he went to the garage and started working on the car alone. I would hear him cussing and occasionally throwing tools, I assumed. Once or twice he came into the house from the garage complaining about the tools not functioning properly as if it was the tools fault. A few times he came in to bandage a finger or clean a gash in his arm with no explanations.

His ability to handle the stresses in life deteriorated gradually, worsening to the point of him locking himself up in the den and watching war movies, shutting everything including me out. At this point after years of trying to help and understand I finally felt I had to walk away. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I'm still friends with him and his family. He is still abusing and still suffering.