Not Your Typical 16 Year Old

Not your typical 16 Year old

        Since I was around 4 years old I have suffered from severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. why do I suffer from all this you may ask. Well it all started December 17, 2004. I was 4 years old at the time. My parents and I went to a Christmas party with my dads family. I was outside playing with all the other little kids. I was having so much fun till all the other kids left and I was the only one out there. I went to grab the ball to put it away when this man called me over. I walked over to him only to smell beer on his breath and cheap cologne. The man started talking to me asking me questions. Then it happened. He started to touch me inappropriately. I knew it was wrong so I ran to my mom and told her what happened. We left immediately after that. When we got to my grandmas house I explained them what happened. I went into detail not leaving a single thing out. My mom started to cry and so did my grandma. The same night we went to the police and I told them everything. I remember getting some red vines. Oh, I almost forgot my name is Rebecca Gonzalez I'm 16 and in the 10th grade. Now that you know who I am let me continue my story... Ever since then I've suffered with all that “fun” stuff. As I grew up I have gotten worse. My depression grows and grows. When I turned 10 my depression got so bad I started to get suicidal. When I turned 11 I started to cut. Each time I cut I felt my sadness release, but at the same time I felt angry at my self for giving in. I am now 12 years old and I started to get bullied by three girls. They would call me names like: ugly, worthless, fat, stupid, and other explicate content. I dealt with this alone till I was 14 years old. My best friend didn't even know about it all. No one knew. Later on that year to tell my mom that I felt like dying. That was when I started going to my first therapist. She was awesome. She understood where I was coming from. I'd go home with these methods on how to be happy, but they didn't work not one. I stopped going to her after a few months. Things were good for those months I went and a few months after I went, but things spiraled down fast. I went back to cutting and my depression got even worse. Months pass and its now my 13th birthday and It was amazing.  It is one of my best memories. It was Batman themed, there  were balloons, streamers , and even a Batman cake. My grandpa, uncles, cousins, aunts, grandma etc. came over. Soon after I lost contact with my best friend for a few months. That didn't help my situation at all. My depression, anxiety, panic attacks got worse and worse. The more I got bullied the deeper the cuts got and the more they came. When I was 14 I ran away. I ran away because I was angry, depressed, and just plain stupid. I was gone for about a month or two. My parents were worried sick about me, but I didn't care at that time. I wanted anyone, everyone to feel the pain I went through while being bullied. Even if that meant hurting the ones I loved. I remember one time I told my mom I hated her and I wanted her dead, it went something like this: