No Longer Trying to Prove Them Wrong

"Jyde, you don't have to pretend to be somebody else. You don't have to act as if your life is perfect. You don't need to please everybody because you can't. You just have to be yourself. You'll never be able to hide what you feel. Maybe you can always deny it but your actions never lie."

Jyde threw her head back laughing when she heard one of our friends said the words she never expected anyone would say. It was evening in the 13th day of November 2012. Yes, that's the exact date; it was the day after her birthday. She's used to it knowing that people around are oblivious about her real identity and her true feelings. But she doesn't know that I've known her deep inside for the past sixteen years.

She's the type of girl you would never see wearing dress and high heels in school because jeans, cargo pants, purple blouses and flat shoes are much more comfortable for her. I know her as a girl who's insecure about her height but doesn't mind her figure and weight. A girl you would recognize as demure and timid but as you get to know her, you'd tell yourself that she's the other way around--loud, irritating and crazy. She's someone you would always hear laughing at stupid random things, someone who would scream at your face when she tells you about her crushes. A friend you can count on in times of need. But you didn't know that she's also a girl who has lived her life full of pretensions--hiding her real feelings behind her fake smiles. She likes bringing sunshine to other people even if she can't lighten up her own dark life.

This girl I'm talking about grew up in a complicated family. She was seven years old when her parents separated. She was raised by her mother in her grandparents house in small village where every kid would laugh upon knowing that her father doesn't live with them--it hurts her but instead of crying in front of those children, she would just threw them her sarcastic smile and say, "Naa man ko'y papa, nagtrabaho lang sa Manila" (I have a father, but he's working in Manila.), which is not true because she really didn't know where her father was that time.

She had spent the next years trying to be happy, trying to be strong. She was in grade six when her parents get back together for her sake. She felt very happy that time realizing that her family won't be forever broken. But, then there are some moments when she feels herself breaking into little pieces. She had lived four years without the presence of her father and her grandparents on her dad's side so she never really grew a strong bond with the like she had with her mother's. Her mom is the only person she could be true with. Unlike her dad who always nags at her, telling her what to do always. He never for a moment understood what she wants for herself. She felt like the eight planets have collided