Learning a New Kind of Language

WR121.19 Paper #1

22 July 2011

Learning a New Kind of Language

It seems like it was only yesterday, that I was standing in my mom's bedroom at the foot of her bed crying my eyes out, trying to think of a way to break the news to her. I had to tell her that I was pregnant. It was February 24, 1994. I had just turned 18 two days before that. I was so confused and scared. I did not know what I was going to do. I had been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we were getting ready to move to Hawaii. We had his car sold and jobs lined up for when we got there. Well I have to say that this new little development put a hold on that plan. I was so scared that when I told my mom about this, she was going to be so angry. I was careful not to stand too close to her as I told her; I was sure that her hand would come flying out of nowhere and slap me up side the head. Well to my complete and udder surprise, she did not. She got up and we went out to the living room to talk. She told me, "Shawnna you are 18 now and this is your decision, if you decide that you want to keep this baby I will stand behind you 100%." All I could say to her, because I was so shocked, "who are you and what did you do with my mom?" She got a real kick out of that and started laughing. When she was younger she had gotten pregnant and was unmarried, she made the choice to get an abortion. It was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She still hated that was her decision. She did not want me to feel like I had no other options as she did. I was so surprised and happy with her reaction. We stayed up most of the night talking. By morning, I had made the decision that I would not keep the baby. I did not think that I would be able to handle the responsibility of taking care of a baby. I wasn't completely comfortable with my decision so I continued to have this inner argument with myself. I called the clinic and my first appointment was to go in and have the pre-abortion counseling. I think my mom was a little disappointed that I had made the choice I did. My boyfriend on the other hand was glad I made that choice.

I had to wait a week before I could go to my appointment. My decision played repeatedly in my head. Was I really making the right decision? I felt that I was not. It was two days later and I went to my mom to tell her that I had changed my mind. I was keeping the baby. I told her that I was probably going to need her help. I did not think that my boyfriend, Jimmy, would stick around after that. She told me no problem whatever I needed she would be there to support me. It was later that day that Jimmy came over and I told him I had changed my mind and I was keeping the baby, and I was not going to trap him into the relationship and that he was free to go. I would not tie him down. Well I have to say that I was a little surprised with his reaction. He told me that he did not want to lose me, but he didn't want a baby either. So, his solution was to tell me that he was going to kill himself if I didn't go through with the abortion. Being the nice and polite girl I am, I told him to "Go get fucked and sorry about your luck, but it looks like you're going to die at a very young age!" He was taken aback by my response. We broke up. I was crushed that he would react like that. That made me think that he wasn't the person I thought he was. I didn't talk to him for about three days then here he came, knocking at my door with his tail between his legs. He told me he was so sorry he reacted that way and that he loved me so much he didn't want to lose me. He said he was really scared