From Failure to Success

I looked at the aging woman lying in the hospital bed. Her brown, wrinkly skin looked like a discarded, wrinkled paper bag left to itself. Her eyes, since being in the hospital had grown dull and cloudy as though she had seen too much suffering. My godmother made me promise her that I would finish college and become a successful engineer. It was the last time we spoke.

 Back in 2011, while in final year at college, I was booming with confidence, but I was never prepared for what lay ahead. While I was in the exam room, I struggle to capture what I studied on paper and the end result – failing most of my external exams that was required to acquire my Certificate of Competence in Marine Engineering, otherwise known as the seafarer’s license. I failed miserably at the one subject in school, the one that I loved the most – Electronics Engineering. I felt so desolate; a complete failure. It felt like the biggest defeat of my life.

Electronics Engineering in college was one of the few subjects I excelled at. It was the subject I figured that if I were going to do well in exam, it would be that one. I was the “go to” person when it came to explaining the principles and fundamentals.  I even had tutoring sessions after classes to explain the principles to my classmates that they somehow missed in class. My lecturer was very proud of me especially since I only started picking up pace during the second semester at school. If there was anyone he was not expecting to fail that was me.

 I was never prepared to get trounced by the examination paper. I had a game plan: I was going to do the harder questions first; timing myself on each question and moving on to the next question when the time was up. Then I would proceed to the ones I considered easy. It was a good idea in theory, but somehow, it failed to materialize.

I couldn’t focus while in the exam. My thoughts were all over the place. I had a funeral to attend the following day and I felt pressured to do well for I had made a promise that that I wanted to keep. I felt flustered. Failure seemed inevitable. I felt as if let down everyone who expected me to do well, especially my godmother. I told myself I was doing this for her and I failed. While going through her stuff to give away, I saw a graduation picture of myself from high school. At the back of it wrote, “I am very proud of you. I know that you will continue to be the beacon of light for the family.  I will be one of your biggest fans in the stand cheering you on. On seeing that, my purpose was redefined.  At that moment, I realized that there's no shame in failure. There's only shame in never trying. By failing, I was able to recognize the importance of trying even harder.

Even though I felt like giving up, those words resonated in my head. I didn't stop trying. To a person who has never experienced failure, a single setback can be crippling. Failure, though, teaches you how to persevere in the face of adversity. My experience was painful in all aspects, but because of it, I resat my exams and was successful. I graduated college and am now a certified Marine Engineer. The simple scribbling of words at the back of a picture made me realize that getting knocked down is not important. Getting back up is what counts.