Eng 101 - Mr Atoa Self Esteem

English 101

September 8, 2011

Mr. Atoa and Self Esteem

As the second child, a girl, of nine kids, I was not my mother's favorite. To make matters worse, our baby sitter, cook as well as maid, one by one, decided that they would not put up with my mom's physical and verbal abuse anymore. I do not blame them at all, but, this left me with all the chores at once. My oldest sister was gone overseas for school and I was the oldest now. At a very young age, thanks to my mom, my self-esteem was genuinely low. I couldn't do anything right, I burned food, I couldn't do laundry, I irritated the kids, if there was anything that could go wrong it did. This was because we've always had someone to tend to our needs and I did not get proper training and it showed. Life was miserable at home as well as the public elementary school I attended. I was a petite girl and I was a very easy target for bullies. Public elementary school teachers were too busy with so many students they didn't care. Thankfully, at thirteen years of age, I attended a private elementary school during 8th grade. At this private school, I met a teacher that was, kind, cared for all of us and as well as our success. He thought I was important and reminded us that we were God's children and he loved us unconditionally. His gentle and very personal teaching style kept me wanting to do better and gained much self esteem.

Unfortunately, my self-esteem was broken down every time I went home from my private school. My mother continued to physically beat me and called me "ugly". Child abuse was daily part of my life back in the 70's at home. My father was usually, never home. It seemed like he was at work all day and night, but, come to think of it, he probably didn't want to come home either. I was always blamed for anything that went wrong. I remember one day I got beat up really bad because money was missing from my mother's purse. I told her I didn't take the money, but, she assumed I did and proceeded with the verbal and physical abuse. After being abused and ridiculed; she sent me to pull weeds in the hot sun by the pool. Few minutes after getting my beating, the golf course pro shop cashier called and told my mom that, my two little sisters left their change after they bought junk food. Even though, the mystery of the missing money was solved and mother said sorry for nearly killing me; I still felt unloved and depressed. My self esteem was so low I wished I were dead. I also remember wishing my mother was dead. Life at home was scary and I was always extremely unhappy.

I don't know how it all happened, but, somehow I was blessed to attend my Church private school during 8th grade. Mr. Atoa was my teacher and he had the most impact in my life. When I was at school he helped build my self esteem up. He made me feel important