Conflict Management

Conflict occurs between two or more people, who disagree on an issue that threatens respective goals, values or needs (Eunson, 2007). Conflict is an unavoidable aspect of everyday life and avoiding conflict is both impossible and undesirable (Condliffe, 2008). Managing conflict personally involves self-awareness and understanding and identifying triggers of conflict (DeVito, 2004). For this unit, I have had to keep a personal journal, in which I have to record conflicts that I have experienced in my workplace or personal life, and how you have applied conflict management skills and theories to these situations. This essay will explore interpersonal conflict, assertiveness, empathy, active listening, emotional and behavioural responses to conflict which will be reflected by using verbatim examples and linking skills with relevant literature.

A personal journal on conflict was something I thought would be hard to record as 'I felt that I did not have a lot of conflict in my life wasn't, I wrong". Conflict is a part of my life from disagreements over the phone, customer service, to a dispute with family and friends or an argument with my partner. Conflict is everywhere and can be triggered by many different causes. Eunson's (2007) theory on possible causes of conflict is communication breakdown, difference, biology, environment and finally health. On reflection of the journal that I have kept over the last seven weeks, I have realised conflict plays a role thorough out my life and learning to understand conflict, and managing my own emotional responses and learning to listen and understand the other persons point of view may all lead to a more positive outcome (Eunson, 2007).

Over the first few weeks I only wrote about the conflicts I had in my life and did not really know how I was going to understand to manage these conflicts. At the moment I don't work so was unsure how much conflict would be in my life. The first weeks I noted down all the conflicts in my life mainly between myself and my partner. Then there was a major conflict between myself and a step father and his new wife and the feelings and emotions that were linked to all of these conflicts and understanding at times that an argument does not have to be a compromise but can also be a win-win approach (Cornelius & Faire, 2006).

A recent argument with my partner was brought on due to a disagreement about our son. When reflecting on the conflict with my personal journal, I often found that I only compromised with my partner. Compromise being that both parties having some of their needs met or compromise on that there is no greater outcome (Wood, Zeffane, Fromholtz, Creed, Schermerhorn, Hunt & Osborn, 2010). On one occasion I found myself being resentful that my partner had gained and I have lost. Eunson (2007) states that compromise can be valuable approach to managing a conflict and can also be a result of a quick resolution.

The win- win approach is a skill that Cornelius & Faire (2006) state there are key steps for a positive outcome for both parties. Being asking more question, identifying the needs and concerns of my partner, trying to work out better options together and working together not against one another and these are all examples of the win-win approach to managing conflict (Cornelius & Faire, 2006). That a conflict can still be resolved without one person being a winner more that a person needs to be more aware of the other person's views and opinions to reach a positive outcome (Eunson, 2007). When sitting down with my partner and applying these steps we were able to reach a conclusion what worked for both of us not just for one, being the win-win approach.

Conflict is everywhere ranging from intrapersonal conflict being a person's inner conflict the conflict; within an individual (Condliffe, 2008). An example at the moment "I have been conflicted with whether I should return to work or continue to stay home with my son". Intrapersonal conflict is a decision what needs to be made however can also be moral judgements (DeVito, 2004). Then there is Intra and inter- organisational conflict, being Intra-organisational disputes that occur at work and inter - organisational being disputes between business and organisations (Eunson, 2007). Interpersonal conflict occurs between two people who are connected be by a partner, family member, parents, siblings, friends, neighbour (Condliffe, 2008). Conflict involves feelings and emotions and can be the most demanding form of conflict in our lives (Goleman, 1995). Understanding conflict and learning how to handle conflict involves a person to understand that conflict can be constructive or destructive depending on how a person handles the situation (Tiller & French, 2006).

Eunson's (2007) defines examples of destructive conflict as signs of anger, resentment, lasting animosity and the worst case violence. The phone call with my step father's wife was a call late at night where I informed them "I was not feeling well and if the call was not urgent, I would call them back the next day". The next day came in came a phone call from my step father who was irate and was informed from his partner that " I had said to her to piss off " and she had implied that I was rude and mean over the phone. At this point I could feel myself being verbally aggressive and could feel my chest pounding and I was emotionally upset. I found myself "yelling down the phone, who she thinks she is ringing my house at this time". I was swearing and screaming and physically shaking I was not interested in what my step father had to say, I was right and they were wrong as I had not said to her to piss off and she had lied that was the end of the story.

Verbal aggressions is defined by Wilmot & Hocker (2010) as a method of winning an argument by inflicting psychical pain by attacking the other person's by attacking abilities, physical appearance, swearing, teasing, ridiculing and threatening. I found I did this in a lot of arguments yelling and screaming, swearing was always how I handled conflict. As the weeks progressed and I learned that there were other ways to try and make an argument