Choices Case

As a child, my father taught me most importantly, to consider the consequence or reward before taking any action. I was raised with a very strong "cause and effect" awareness. I have found that I am borderline OCD in that aspect. Some see it as controlling and others have felt that I am too scared to allow my path to pave itself. As the mother of a very bright, ornery 10 year old boy, it is my obligation to show him, especially at this age, when he is beyond being granted the allowances that a "child" has yet, too young to assume he really has the knowledge base that even a young adult has, that he is responsible for his own successes and failures. Everything that happens, good and bad, is the result of a choice that we consciously make. At my lowest point in life, I had lost sight of the smart, honest woman and mother that I was and thought that it was a good idea to "live in the moment", on a whim, whatever any of that means. In 7 months time, I found myself living on the street, drug addicted with an abusive partner. I had no job, no residence and no means of legitimately surviving for myself, much less a child. Before I knew it, I found myself incarcerated for the first time in my life. When I shamefully called my father to "save" me his response was no. My father was an attorney, a former assistant DA no less. He told me that as much as he loved me it was time that I realize the extent of my actions. I eventually was released on my own recognizance, sentenced to probation and mental/substance abuse counseling and even worse, I lost custody of the only thing I had in life, my beautiful son. That was years ago now and I am proud to say that I am 7 years clean, legitimately employed, married for 3 years to an honest, hard working man who has blessed me with another son, now 2 years old and best of all, I was granted shared custody of my older son again; not to mention I have returned to school as well. I am constantly aware of my responsibilities and obligations I always knew, but more than ever now, that I am in complete control of the outcomes of my choices and I accept that responsibility. I try my best to act in accordance to the pursuit of my goals and only exercise behaviors that will assist in reaching them and as a result I always see what needs to be done in order to be successful.

As the clarity of my choices and their product becomes more prominent in my life, so does the realization that there is more to success than what others see. The external perspective is merely superficial. In order to truly be successful, you also must feel it. This is where I struggle. I have suffered from a lifelong battle of being "good enough". I have been in and out of counseling since I was 13 years old, with friends, parents, companions and individually. I was diagnosed with hypomania when I was 24 years old, after the birth of my first son and shortly after I became