Being an Outsider

I am different?

Am I invisible? This question was stuck in my head when I started school in United States. Summer of 1996 is when I came to United States with my family. Being from a different country is what made me different. I had long hair; I wasn't wearing fancy clothes or shoes. I had earring on one ear, I was not very good communicating in English and I also didn't eat the same foods as Americans. I was really excited to be in United States, because I thought I was in a country where there were lots of opportunities for my family and myself, but I had no idea what to expect until I started school. I thought everything would be just like Fiji and I would easily blend in. I was used to be the popular guy in the class and everyone would want to hang out with me in Fiji. I started seventh grade at Sylvandale Middle School in San Jose, Ca. It was very hard for me to make friends because students wouldn't want to talk to me. It almost felt like they could not see me. The kids had been together for years and weren't very open to newcomers. I was feeling very uncomfortable, shy and lost. I was spending time alone and was very nervous to talk to anyone. Students would pass by me without saying a word and when they did I did not understand. As students pass me in walking, I desperately try to avoid eye contact and nervously glance at my watch in the hallway. But I can feel their eyes and I find myself wondering what is so different about me. Am I strange?

YES! "I am different!!" I am foreign! I have never felt such a deep craving to just simply be me. Students started coming up to me and say what's up and then laugh at me because I did not know how to reply. It took me a little while to figure out what they meant. I thought they were asking me what is over my head. Students also questioned me about my appearance. Where did I get my clothes and shoes from? Why I have earring in my ear? I did not want to answer any of their questions because I could see them chuckling. When I saw the students laugh I thought it was rude of them and I wanted to stare back and scream. I could not say anything to them because of my little knowledge in English and also I was afraid that if I did I would get into trouble.

Language had become a barrier for me. Learning new languages was never something which came easily to me. I knew that one of my biggest problems that I would face in United States would be the fact that I would not be able to communicate with people on a daily basis. In order to make this problem as less of an obstacle, I asked my family to place me in after school English study to help alleviate the problems of communication. English is nothing like Hindi and the people spoke with a different accent, it made my head spin. I would love to begin a conversation with a person I meet in the classroom, but even with my English knowledge it did not provide me with enough