Living in Cinderella's Shoes

Well it has been since June 23, 2004 when my mother-in-law lost her battle to lung cancer. I decided to make this visit to a cemetery about her. I have visited her vault many times but this time was different....... She encouraged me to continue school to get my RN license. I just started back this last June. I had a really hard day on Friday so I decided to go and visit her vault. I am a strong believer that I can talk to her whenever I want, this is just her shell. Some people need that to have to feel their presents but I am different. I do get very emotional when I visit. So I went on this terrible day. I looked around and took in what the overall feeling was that it felt cold because of the weather and the marble wall. Cold due to the fact that I was the only one there but, overall there was a good feeling about how well the place was taken care of. The sad but happy feeling was about how many families and friends were still bringing flowers and other memorabilia to their gravesites. It is very overwhelming when you read about the age of the people are that have died at their young age. Mothers, Daughters, Dads, Sons, and many more. I did notice that many people that were in vaults were the younger people. That was very interesting to me to realize. My mother-in-law was only 47 and very sick when we went to find a burial place. She was a little off with her fears, but still honored her wishing's. She was afraid of bugs and did not want to be in the ground. This was about ten thousand dollars more than being cremated and 8 thousand more than being buried. Having this as her last wishes was a little confusing due to the fact that there was really not much money for the after care. But, mothers a few years later when we visited her vault with my 3 year old we experienced something that made it all worth it to us! We drove up and Kaitlyn (my daughter) and I walked up and I explained why her grandmother that she had never met had died. Then we looked up and right down the hill was a doe and a fawn. We watched them for a while and put the flowers on the gravesite and stepped back to take it all in, then Kaitlyn said, "Mom can we come back here and put flowers on Grandma Carol's grave again?" Tears just rolled down my face......what a grown up little girl we have made together. This was a very good moment for our family. I don't feel like a cemetery is a bad place. Just a place to have those feelings come out! On this very terrible Friday I remembered all of these feelings and memories and felt better. What a powerful place for me to visit! Every time I have visited the cemetery I have very powerful things happen to me, mostly mental growing. This particular visit I went to many of the other vaults and other gravesites and read. The very sad ones for me are the children and infants. They have not had a chance to live at all, and it made me sad to think that my kids could be in their place.