Caregivers' Expectations for Relationships and Labor

CAREGIVERS' EXPECTATIONS FOR RELATIONSHIPS AND LABOR

Introduction

Some caregivers feel that they have a more difficult time building a relationship with those who hire them than with those who would be receiving the care. As the world gets more dangerous and people grow less trusting of the people they hire, it can become difficult for people such as nannies, personal chefs, butlers, and nursing aids to build a healthy, friendly relationship with their employers. The danger that some parents worry about is not whether or not the caregiver will neglect the care recipient, but, instead, some might worry about the type of relationship that the care giver will develop with the one who is being given care. But what is the result of different expectations that caregivers have for how an employer should feel that this relationship should be?

More specifically, I seek to understand the effect of a caregiver having an emotional relationship with a care recipient versus having a labor-intensive relationship. By understanding what caregivers consider normal and surprising behaviors by parents, it might be possible to grasp if this has any bearing on the type of relationship that a care worker builds with her employer.

In order to explore these effects, I spoke with three care workers in the Charlottesville, Virginia, community to understand what they feel parental motivations are and they feel that parents see them. In this paper, I argue that when a caregiver expects her employer's viewpoint of the caregiver-care receiver relationship to be similar to the actual manner by which the caregiver expresses emotions or labor, the employer and employee will more easily be able to bond. The well-beings of the hirer, caregiver, and care receiver are all jeopardized if there is hostility between employer and employee.

Methods

In order to gain access to the minds of caregivers, I conducted face-to-face interviews. Interviews were conducted at the residencies of three caregivers in September 2007. I attempted to contact a variety of caregivers, ranging from personal chef, to nanny, to party planner, to household manager; I found these contacts through Internet search engines. Of all the parties that I had contacted, asking for an hour of their time, I received responses from and made appointments for interviewing with three female caregivers. Subsequently, over the course of a week, I interviewed "Amelia," a 23-year-old nanny and resident of Charlottesville, Virginia; "Stephanie," a 36-year-old former nanny, current owner and manager of a nanny agency, and resident of Charlottesville; and "Anne," a 26-year-old former personal chef, current cooking instructor, and resident of Charlottesville. Participation was strictly voluntary, and no compensation (other than a "Thank You" card) was awarded to any subjects in this study. Each of the three interviews was approximately one hour in length, and the interviewees did almost all of the talking. The setting of the interviews was a comfortable, sit-down environment in the living room, dining room, or patio of the interviewees' houses.

The format at the interviews was strictly questions and answers, in which I attempted as much as possible to remain impartial in my reactions and to strictly gain information without swaying their opinions. In certain situations, I would paraphrase their statements, for the purposes of confirmation, when that they had spoken for a long period of time to make sure that I had properly captured the theme of their discourse. If a respondent did not fully answer my question, I would rephrase what I had asked. The interviews ended when I no longer had any more questions to ask the participants.

Findings

All three of my interviewees expressed expectations for how an employer should express their feelings about the role of the caregiver. Some caregivers believed that the parent should see them as a labor without emotions, solely bodies with the purpose of looking out for the well-being of those for whom the caregiver is providing care. Other caregivers believed that parents should feel that, in order to be effective as a caregiver, the caregiver must develop an intense emotional relationship with those for whom the caregiver is offering care. Amelia demonstrated her expectations through her positive tone of voice and nonverbal cues when referencing memories where her expectations were fulfilled. Stephanie and Anne exemplified what they had expected by expressing their memories of shock when their expectations were not fulfilled.

The interviewees' tones made it quite clear about the types of behaviors and attitudes of employers with which they were pleased and displeased. Amelia adamantly claimed that parents were "scared that they're not doing their job as a parent." Her face glowed as she explained how would act around parents who were nervous: "...what you can do is be confident, assure them, make sure they state their responsibility clearly to you." The assurance she referred to centered on what Amelia explained as, "[The parents are more nervous at this point: "is my mom abandoning me?' That's a major thing they worry about." Amelia was under the impression that parents did not want the caregiver to get involved emotionally with their children, yet Amelia considered her get involved emotionally with their children, yet Amelia considered her presence to be sentimental.

Amelia had certain expectations about the manner by which mothers would react to Amelia's presence in the home. She was under the impression that mothers would purposely restrict her ability to allow her employers' children to engage in pleasurable activities so that children would not get overly attached to her and so that the children would go to their mothers for enjoyable activities and items. Amelia was not entirely pleased to experience the negative attitudes that she believed these mothers had, but she was certain that all mothers would do this:

They want the nanny to do the best job, but they're scared they're not doing their job as a parent. Since it's a job for the parent, the nanny will deliver excellency, and that will draw the kids to the nanny instead of to the parents. And there's that tug-of-war there. An example would be when parents say, "Don't give my kids snacks, or sweets, or gum, or toffee, or ice cream" or "Don't let them watch TV." What parents do in this situation is they're trying to deprive you the nanny of the little kids of acts that makes kids love people. They